I’ve reached a point in my story where I’m stuck. Maybe not stuck, necessarily; I know what happened next. I suppose it’s safe to assume I’m not sure exactly how to explain the complexity of my emotions in that particular moment.
So I’ve been dabbling in other forms of writing. Every day, I uncover something new about myself. Writing helps me take down layers and learn that I surprise myself every day.
While writing last night, I couldn’t get my emotions under control. Everything was just pouring out -most of which doesn’t fit about what I’m currently working on. I went from discussing grief and fast forwarding right into complaining about the interpretation of happiness. Oh, jeeze.
I began to grow so frustrated, on came the tears. I abruptly stopped sobbing when I remembered something my four year old daughter told me one afternoon when she saw me upset, crying uncontrollably. She comforted me in every way she knows how. My girl has the most caring, nurturing, beautiful soul. After assuring me I should not be sad, she looked me directly, fiercely in the eyes and with the most serious of faces said,
“Mommy, life is a puzzle”.
Whoa, she couldn’t be any more spot on about that one. After she went to bed that evening, I sat down alone in the dark and contemplated the jigsaw we call life. To be more specific, why if life a puzzle? How do we fit the pieces together? How do we know we have all the pieces and what happens if we lose one?
Amid the jumbled writing flowing out last night, I remembered my daughter saying life is a puzzle. We gain and lose new pieces with each year of life; each time we fall down a piece goes missing, and every time we rise, get back up, we gain. This, I believe, is rather obvious. What I was really perplexed by for some time is how are our puzzles every complete if we never have all the pieces.
I realized that although I am missing pieces that are obviously lost in time, my puzzle will be complete. I’m not sure if I believe in a God, but whatever higher power designed our destinies takes from us -things we love, things we hate. And although we experience what we believe are ‘end-of-the-world’ losses, throughout life this higher power gives back. Remember your first heartbreak. You thought you were going to die of a broken heart, didn’t you? In place of our first heartbreak, we find the person we are destine to spend forever with. This example may be no comparison to much more grand losses, but you get what I mean. For every loss, every suffering there is a gain, a happy moment. We may not understand why something terrible is happening as it is actually happening, but we come to see everything happens for a reason -no matter how big or small.
Merry Christmas.
Roughly two weeks ago, I decided to embark on an emotional journey -writing a book about medical mishap that beyond dramatically altered my life. Overwhelming is an understandment. I have found it to be most difficult to navigate through reopening old wounds that haven’t even been closed all too long. I decided to use this platform as a sort of journal to sort through my thoughts and feelings that have been coming out jumbled and unclear. I was closed off, alone, silent about much of my interal, as well as physical suffering. So it is my greatest wish these posts can help another going through a similar tribulation.
Blooming in Adversity -Insider 